Believe in yourself.
Sometimes that’s easier said than done.
I remember the first time i
planned for a VBAC when i was pregnant with Amaya. I thought i knew my stuff. Read all the facts on uterine rupture risks, birthing positions etc…. i naively thought that hiring a private OB would help me get what i wanted, since i was actually in the public system the first time around.
I went with the OB that pretty much everyone i knew in the area that went private used. He was/is one of the top OB’s in my area and i had heard nothing but praise for him. I told him upfront of my intentions of a VBAC and he was all fine, saying we’ll look at everything closer to the due date as it was early days…and that was that. The pregnancy was uneventful. He encouraged me to keep my weight down and eat super healthy to try and keep bubs weight lower as Ethan was over 4kg (4.185kg).
At 37 weeks he sent me off for a growth scan just to see if bubs was measuring large. Even though i knew that scans at this gestation can be grossly inaccurate and part of me wanted to just tell him no, part of me though that since i had put on hardly any weight (10kg’s this time around compared to last time more than 17kg’s) – my belly looked like a small tight basket ball shoved under my top – with my son i was a waddling whale way before my due date.
Rocked up at the sonographers and she scanned bub. She then announced “she’s measuring about 4.2kg’s”….
WHAT THE….? at 37 weeks…with like 3 weeks of GROWING to go till my due date! I refused to accept this!!
“Look at me…I’m sorry but there is NO
FREAKING WAY this baby is that big! My tummy is tiny…I’m sorry but you’re going to have to measure again!”
So she goes about re-scanning everything again….and pretty much the same result…the smallest she could get her reading down to was just over 4kg. I was crushed and starting to freak out. I pretty much knew that my chance of a VBAC was riding on the scan (looking back how stupid and naive was i for “thinking” my self into this situation…for thinking that my OB was going to either allow me or not to attempt a VBAC..to think i needed his permission).
Back at the OB’s office for the following appointment with my husband, the doctor basically told me that i would “have the exact problems/complications i had with my son” so he was strongly recommending (basically telling me that i had to have another cesarean) because my uterus will most likely rupture and crazy things can happen to the baby if this happens etc etc… He used his good medical terminology and scared the poo out of me and Jake, especially Jake. I mean he pulled the “dead baby” card out and as a pregnant mum so close to my due date – how do i argue with that. All mumma’s want is to put their child first and have a healthy happy baby.
I bawled my eyes in the carpark… i had no body that believed in me….so how was i going to? I was just not strong enough or in a place mentally and emotionally where i felt that i could rise above everyone that was around me telling me that i couldn’t do it. Whilst Jake wasn’t unsupportive – running his young business and working crazy hours of like 55hrs+ a week, he hardly had the mental capacity to actually be proactively supportive of me at the time. He didn’t know enough and had to rely on our paid consultants advice of going for another cesarean.
Now don’t get me wrong, Amaya’s birth was quite positive – i had no bonding issues and breastfeeding was established fine. But i just didn’t believe in myself enough to have the confidence to speak up and a demand more of my support and carers around me! I think because i felt like i was so unsupported, i was easily swayed into thinking that maybe they’re right.
My advice for those who are into the journey, or even if you are thinking about your next pregnancy and considering a VBAC. Start spending sometime really reflecting if you believe you can do it.
This quote is so so so true! Going into my VBA2C i just KNEW, right from the start i could do it…
Maybe in your own situation now, its hard to believe that maybe its achievable…maybe you’re thinking about failing to progress or maybe you have never laboured and wondering if you can actually handle it? You CAN! Women all around the world have being doing this for thousands of years. It’s the way it is supposed to be! We were designed to bring forth life this way…and i am a strong believer in that your body produces a whatever sized baby that you can birth naturally! Believing and knowing that you can actually do it is crucial – it underpins your whole journey to VBAC.
I am a small 5 ft nothing gal who birth a nice 4.2kg (9pound 5oz) baby naturally after having had 2 previous cesareans. I DID IT!
How can you help yourself believe you can do it? Stay tuned to read up on what you can do to help you along your VBAC journey.
Love Liza xo